In a New Relationship: Dos and Don’ts
The fact says that being in a new relationship is sometimes confusing. First, there would be a debate on “What are we?” followed by the stress in meeting his/her close friends, organizing time and the three important words: “I love you.” Here are tips to face the beginning of a new relationship.
In a new relationship, DON’T worry about labels.
If you’re not sure about what ‘title’ suits him, don’t bother, especially if you just get close and there is not yet any discussion about “what are we?”. Stick with his name, since “this is John,” can never get any wrong.
DON’T move too fast.
In a new relationship, it’s really easy to move on from the phase of ‘honeymoon’ and the hope of spending the whole time together. It may become an end of the relationship if the couple feels they’ve lost the ‘mystery’. It is really important to set aside some times just to hang out with friends or spend the Saturday night by yourself at home.
DO learn to divide your time.
The rule of 50-30-20 is how you divide your spare time: no more than 50% for boyfriend/girlfriend, 30% for friends and family and 20% for yourself. Use the rule to avoid boredom and the routine in the relationship, being away from friends, and losing the identity. Plus, it won’t harm to keep your lover ‘anting more’. If everything goes well, you will have plenty of time to spend together. If not? You’ll be thankful for not leaving your friends.
DON’T use SMS/email to discuss your relationship.
SMS/email is okay for a small talk while having overtime at work or for making sure a place and hour of date. But when you need to discuss something deeper, stick to phone calls or meet him in person and have a direct face to face discussion. If you feel reluctant to discuss some matters with your partner directly, it is either you’re with the wrong person or you haven’t ready yet to be in a serious relationship.
DO stay true to yourself.
Be yourself and don’t compromise on opinion and faith. Though it’s supposed to happen without any discussion, compromise is important in some ways, but when you succumb most of the time, it won’t be good for the future.
DON’T compare your new boyfriend with your ex.
Making a comparison in your mind is somewhat okay, but to spill it out? NO! Don’t talk about anyone else before you feel safe in a relationship.
DO let him know your boundaries.
Public Display of Affection or PDA is usually different to one person to another depending on each people’s criterion. Make sure that you’re being honest to whoever become your partners about anything you like and dislike, physically and non-physically. If you feel uncomfortable with holding hands and hugging in public, make sure that he doesn’t take your rejection as thing that happens because you’re not attracted to him.
DON’T pretend your relationship is something more than it really is.
There’s nothing wrong to enjoy a relationship which is casual or without any labels attached aka open relationship, if that’s what you want and you know that’s what you are. But if you want more, don’t think that you can get more than what you have. If you want to be serious but your partner right there doesn’t think the same way, move on, and keep yourself available for the real deal.
DO continue to be happy, independent woman.
Don’t get too dependant to him – or anyone – for your own happiness. Always remember how happy your life was before you met Mr. Wonderful. In fighting, it is normal to say, “I don’t need you. I was happy before I met you!” but it’s not rude to think it! You always have to rely on yourself, and that’s as good as it gets.